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I am retired from government, law enforcement, politics and all other pointless endeavors. I eat when I am hungry and sleep when I am tired.

Saturday, October 18, 2008


  • I see Paul Krugman about town a lot. It's good to see that his Nobel Prize hasn't changed him a bit. He still has the haunted, hyper-vigilant expression of a lemur on guard lest something big come along and eat him. Such must be the price of genius.
  • The local cable TV system has, since I moved here, remove the Catholic Channel and CSPAN 2, and replacing these with three Hispanic soap opera stations and a station devoted to line dancing and knee operations. One wonders how Comcast assesses viewer preference. If there were enough Haitian immigrants, would they have a 24hour Voodoo station? Thank God there aren't too many elderly nudists in my area.
  • Since the canal behind my place is now a source of West Nile Virus, wouldn't it be fair in a multi-cultural way, to introduce poison ivy to the Middle East?
  • It will soon be apparent that more formal qualifications must be introduced for the office of President. My suggestions are as follows:
    • Possession of a "trophy wife" shall be an immediate disqualification.
    • Only those who pronounce the "G" at the end of words ending in "ing"shall be considered fit for office.
    • Graduation from any Ivy league University shall be an immediate disqualification.
    • Anyone who devoted his early life to the consuming alcoholic beverages but lacked the stamina or character to continue, shall be considered unfit to serve, indeed, anyone who does not drink alcoholic beverages shall be considered unfit to serve.
    • Anyone failing to provide evidence of having successfully perforated a road sign with buckshot from moving vehicle shall be considered unfit to serve.
    • Anyone convicted of having read The Catcher In the Rye all the way through and who can recite more than one sentence shall be considered unfit to serve.
    • Anyone with the bad taste to own a Cadillac shall be forever considered unfit to serve.
    • Any man observed wearing what is known as a Greek Sailor hat who is not an actual Greek sailor is forever disbarred from serving and shall be deported immediately on being found to be in possession of such a hat in future. An exception to this rule is made where it is found that the aforementioned hat was taken from a dead Communist or Pete Seeger.
    • Anyone who is in possession of a Pete Seeger Album is automatically disbarred from serving.
    • The office of the President may only be filled by a man or woman, or in any case a mammal. In no case shall a machine be allowed to hold the office of President. Persons of multiple gender shall be considered to be both a man and a woman and so may only serve a term of two years.
I think these are reasonable and justified measures to enhance the office of the President and would find general acceptance among thinking citizens.

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