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I am retired from government, law enforcement, politics and all other pointless endeavors. I eat when I am hungry and sleep when I am tired.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013


We are in desperate need of the assistance of the Republic of Assholia.  But first, we must create it.

What am I writing about?  A United Nations sanctioned, and universally accepted realm devoted exclusively to the housing of persons or groups of such loathsomeness that they baffle the means and imaginations of conventional states.  The idea occurred to me years ago when I was dealing with domestic criminals.  The public expense of dealing with the multiple deficiencies, dependencies and aggressions of these people was enormous.  Yet they contributed nothing in return to the commonweal.  I thought then that but for our Christian consciences, we might just as well outlaw these people, much as our ancestors did under Anglo-Saxon Law.  Why should ambulances, fire trucks or police cars respond when such as these called 911?  Why should our courts waste time and money adjudicating thefts among thieves?  What do we care if such miscreants use each other for target practice?  Of course this would be a wicked system.  But it would have one large benefit.  It would acquaint the criminal class with the theory and practice of citizenship and reciprocity in human affairs.

Something like this is possible on the international level.  For instance, our government presently holds large numbers of illegal aliens whose home government won't accept them back.  The same applies to some detainees in Guantanimo.  What to do?  Well, if there was a Republic of Assholia they could be shipped there.  Then what?  Who cares?

The Republic of Assholia would of course be a republic in name only, given that it would just be a dumping ground for the detritus of humanity.  The "detritees"  could form whatever sort of government that suited them, just so long as nothing they did every impinged on the outside world.

Assholia needs to exist in a part of the world where escape would be difficult, say Madagascar.  The present inhabitants could be removed to mainland Africa from whence they mostly come.  I originally thought a place like Niger or Mauritania would be suitable but they seem bent on creating a wholly Muslim version of my idea on their own.  And as they demonstrate nightly on the evening news, their borders are too porous.  We need a place to fence in assholes, not spread them about.

As my idea may seem harsh I wish to say that the Republic of Assholia, like the new understanding of Purgatory, need not be a place of torture.  I'm perfectly content to see President Assad, the Castro Brothers, The Peoples Mujhadin, Mayor Bloomberg etc. bring their bimbos and Bentleys with them.  The late Hugo Chavez would have been a fine addition to the Republics menagerie.  The point would not be to punish but to place the worlds most egregious assholes beyond our ever hearing from them again.

As it is now Jr. Assad has no place to go. Neither at the end did Saddam Hussein.  I am of an age when the function of the Republic of Assholia was filled by the South of France.  It was the ideal place for third world miscreants to retire with their stolen money. Our fixation with international justice as defined by such as Hillary Clinton and fussbudgets at the Hague now make graceful and relatively bloodless exits for such international bad men almost impossible.  Wouldn't it be more sensible for them to go off to somewhere lawless where they could only be a nuisance to each other?  They could bring  their followers with them.  I imagine that the North Korean Communist nomenklatura would fit in just one eighth of Northwestern Assholia.  As long as they refrain from building actual missiles, they could starve each other to their hearts content.

Perhaps we could start by proclaiming small experimental Assholias.  We could for instance experiment with Detroit.


  1. who's home government

    whose home governments

  2. Their not they're. Otherwise brilliant. I have my own typos, blogger's a touch deficient.

  3. As I've said before. I need to marry a copy editor.