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I am retired from government, law enforcement, politics and all other pointless endeavors. I eat when I am hungry and sleep when I am tired.

Monday, October 6, 2008


When Richard Fuld, former CEO of Lehman Brothers, spoke of the immense burden he bears for the bankruptcy of his former firm, we must take him at his word. It's churlish for Chairman Waxman to imply that because Mr. Fuld was paid 484 Million Dollars on his way out the door, that he doesn't suffer extreme pain.

Imagine his shame when confronting his neighbors at his beach piazza in Jupiter. Try to grasp how awful it must be for him to suffer the stares of reproach that greet him at his chalet in Colorado. The stony gaze of his Manhattan condo doorman surely cuts him to his very soul. And he is by all reports a sensitive and retiring man.

I do not envy what life holds for Mr. Fuld. Where will he ever get a loan? How can he face his barber? Will George Soros still answer his calls? Will Tiger Woods golf with him anymore?

So I volunteer to help. The burden of life with four hundred and eighty four million dollars of dubious money on his shoulders is too much for any one man to bear. As a fellow retiree, I am willing to unburden Mr. Fuld of at least some of this burden. I propose to take on at least twenty to thirty Million Dollars worth of this opprobrium from Mr. Fuld's conscience. For such a sum I am willing to experience all the shame that goes with being Richard Fuld. Indeed, for twice that amount I am will to legally change my name to Richard Fuld!

I am willing to endure, for his sake, the sidelong glances of my fellow citizens. I have the strength of character to bear the poorly hidden sneers of my fellow millionaire's chauffeurs. I will not break under the weight of disapproval of all those people with lesser financial guilt who cannot understand what it's like to be a master of the universe with nothing left but money as a legacy.

In this hour of financial distress, it is time to share our burdens.

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