JODIE FOSTER

So Jodie Foster is a lesbian. Well, it's non of my business. But I'm puzzled that it was always so obvious to me. Is spotting lesbians some sort of genetic survival trait? Surely spotting nymphomaniacs would be more useful.

I recall the first time I stumbled on the Ellen DeGeneres show. My first impression was, "So who's this rather bland lesbian wandering around playing straight-woman to a set full of zany characters." The two minutes or so I watched was droll but not unpleasant. That pretty much sums up Ellen to me, pleasant but ultimately lacking that certain edge that triggers real laughter. My guess is that she might be decent company. She may also have a calling as an interviewer.

Jodie Foster on the other hand is decidedly unpleasant in that way that female inverts with chips on their shoulders are. She lacks any real sexual chemistry with her leading men. Her films all seem to have the same theme wherein she is the plucky heroine fighting off a lot of scary, hairy man beasts. Since the ability to fake emotions for the benefit of the audience is the point of acting, I never got the point of her on screen.